Sometimes Up To Something

Do we ever go a year without a price going up? It just feels like every year, in April in particular for some reason, the prices always seem to go up, and I'm a stubborn person who doesn't like to comply with them because it makes me feel like I'm letting the people who raised the prices "win". Enabling them to raise them more. I just can't help but imagine them laughing at me, going "There's no better alternatives, so we can raise the prices all we like and there's nothing you can do about it because you still need these services and ours are still the cheapest ones!" Yes, I know I take things too personally. 

I have been known to have prophetic dreams before. That is, I'll dream about something happening, and then it will happen in real life. Maybe not in exactly the same way as it did in the dream, but still with enough similarity. The first instance of this I remember was back in primary school. There was this period of time where on a certain day every other week, my class would have a different teacher in the morning, and our lessons would overrun into break time (I don't remember the exact reason why, I think because one of them was PE), so we'd end up having our break time at a different time to the other classes to make up for it. There was another class that would go through this on a different week to us. The first time it happened, I got really stressed about it until I was assured we'd still get our full break time, but I still didn't like the change in routine. Anyway, at one point, it was the week where the other class was meant to be going through this. But...

Is there a word for when you want to tell someone something about a problem you have with them, but you also don't want to hurt their feelings, so you keep quiet about it but doing so makes you really frustrated? I'm talking about things like habits of theirs that annoy you. There's a very specific habit that a few of my family members have and some people at the youth club as well. It's a very disguisting habit, especially for someone like me who is obsessed with germs and wanting to keep my hands clean all the time. And that habit is... licking your fingers to pick up paper. Seriously. IT IS SO DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!! SO GROSS!!!!!!!!!! Why do people still do that even after the pandemic???????!!!!!!!! I don't want to touch anything my Dad has touched with my bare hands unless I can wash my hands right after!!!!!! I don't want to touch paper that I know other people have touched in case it still has traces of their spit on it!!!!! I wish I could tell them that ...

Today was a nice day, and it was made a bit nicer by the fluff, apparently from dandelions, floating around the place. It made it feel a bit magical, really. It's like the opposite of Autumn where the wind blows leaves around that sometimes flat through the air if you're in an area with enough trees. But when it comes to work training, this fluff is a pain to clean up. It somehow gets into the rooms, and you try to sweep it, but because it's so light, it just floats above the ground.

I don't really have much to say today. Just that more family were over and we had a nice lunch (and I hope we don't get food poisoning). 

A big obsession of mine is use by dates on food. If something is past that date, I won't want to eat it in case I get food poisoning. My family members say I worry too much and that a day or two won't hurt? Really? How do you know that? A problem that showed up is that my Dad got this huge piece of Salmon a few weeks ago, but was too tired to cook it, and the day it needed using arrived. So I put it in the freezer. Then he decided he'd cook it when other family members came over, so I moved it to the fridge this morning to defrost, only for Dad to late tell me they'd be too busy and wouldn't be back until late and that we'd have it for lunch tomorrow instead. But is it really safe anymore? Wouldn't defrosting it make it even more likely to spoil? What if we all get food poisoning from it, and it's serious? Or what if it's too bad to cook at all so the meal plan is ruined and that money was wasted, not to mention food was wasted too? I could always go...

Have I already posted about this before? About wanting to avoid things that remind me of people I like because I don't want to be thinking about them all the time? I even wrote a song about it!!! Really though, it's weird, you'd think I would want to do the opposite, but it embarrasses me and makes me feel hot inside, and I don't want to be thinking about my faves all the time!!! 

Did I mention I'm going to a wedding soon? Well, I've got a dress, but I also needed some accessories. Namely, a hair accessory, some shoes, and a bag that's fancier than the ones I usually use. Something I realise about myself is that while I do enjoy fashion, I also value practicality a lot. I wanted some shoes that looked smart and weren't "clunky", would be suitable to wear during summer (I don't know how hot it will be on the day), but would also be comfortable for me to talk in. I don't really do heels. And I also prefer my shoes to have grips. But if they're too flat, they'll hurt my feet. I looked in a shoe shop and I found a pair that seemed right - except they didn't have the right size in stock. They were either too big or too small. But I was told I could order a pair in what I hope will be the right size, so I did that. I also found a nice fascinator in a charity shop. It uses a comb rather than a clip, though, so I might need ...

Those thraot problems I had have now turned into an annoying cough that's hard for me to suppress. I feel like I need to clear out something, but whatever it is, it's not coming out. If there even still is anything, or if my body thinks there is. 

Alright, so I've always had a problem with time. I've always been very time-orinted or orientated or whatever the right word is. I feel like I never have enough of it. And when I don't have a lot of time at home, it's worse for me if I have hardly any time anywhere else. It's mainly because at the moment I'm about to play some very lengthy games and I want to have finished them by the middle of next month, but I don't think I can do it. Not unless I have more than two hands. I just want to play a certain game while there's no one else in the house next month. 

My voice is slowly coming back. Maybe I actually did need to talk more to loosen up what's in my throat. The downside is that it's making me cough a lot. But it seems to be going up and down. Sometimes my voice seems fine, other times it doesn't. 

I really want to get back to swimming soon (probably on Friday unless my Gran invites me to lunch or something), so today I went out and looked through some chairty shops (well, the ones that were open on Sunday anyway). And I actually managed to find 2 suits that were black, weren't made with a larger chest in mind, and didn't have a hole in the back that went all the way down to the backside. I've got so many other things to do, though. I need to keep playing through these games so I have enough time to get to the ones I will enjoy more when there's no one else in the house, I need to do a drawing ready for Tuesday because I don't have enough time during my breaks at work training anymore, and there's still quiz shows to watch tomorrow night. Oh, if only I didn't need to sleep.

I can't really talk right now. I've got something building up in my throat, and I've been coughing and clearing it so much that it's become very sore. So it's better if I don't talk, which is hard to do at the youth club. I really hope this goes away before Monday... 

I've now got the weekend to myself! I do miss not having to announce when I'm going out or to bed (I can't just do that without saying anything if someone else is nearby, that would be rude), I don't think people understand how mentally exhausting it is for me to do that every day and how much of a relief it feels for me when I don't have to. Or if they do, they won't say "It's alright, you can pretend I'm not there and not talk if you don't want to." Instead they'll be like "We all have to do things we don't want to do that tire us out mentally, that's life." But sometimes I just need a break, you know? At least it seems like my Dad is finally getting better. It's been over a week, and I'm not even sure if it's the same cold I had because I think I caught it and it's different, but it's not affected me nearly as much (maybe my attempts at increasing my immunity have worked after all).   

My Dad still doesn't seem to be getting better, and he's got to go away for the weekend tomorrow. I'd be glad tohave the house to myself for a bit, but is it really good for him? Maybe the stress of having so much to do is slowing the recovery down or something. I've also been worried about my little cousin. She's had to have some sort of cyst in her neck removed today (after having to wait a whole year for it because it wasn't considered urgent), and she's young enough for it to be a scary experience and old enough to probably remember it for the rest of her life (unless, like me and my unpleasant experiences with a dentist who didn't understand my Autism and sensory issues at all, she blocks out most of it). It doesn't help that it ended up falling outside the Easter Holidays so she's having to miss school (which she likes going to), and it also ended up falling on a time when her paternal grandparents are away (why does my Gran go on so many h...

Finally, we have a bathroom tap that doesn't keep dripping anymore!!! We ended up getting the bathroom sink's taps replaced. The water comes out from them really fast and it's easy to forget to turn them on more slowly. Anyway, I've gotten a bit of a sore throat and a cough. Urgh, maybe it was a different cold that my Dad caught, and I spent quite a bit of time sat right next to him the other day, thinking I had enough immunity to not catch anything. Shows what I know. But if I wore a mask, he would just think I was overreacting. Maybe masks need to be normalised again. And hand sanitizer. It's so hard to find those in shops these days.

So I have the rest of the week off. But I still want to make sure I get my usual exercise. So I went out today and ended up walking up a really steep slope, probably steeper than the one I go up on the way to work training when I have enough time, and it was challenging, but that's what I was after. Walking uphill so much has made me somewhat used to it. It still wears me out a bit, but not as much, and doesn't hurt my legs as much. So I needed something harder. I really need to get back into swimming, but I'm having trouble finding a good suit that doesn't cost too much. Most of the ones I find have too much of the back exposed, and with a body like mine, how can I be sure I won't accidentally show off part of my backside?  

I don't know, maybe I'll just do second person for my story. It's meant to be sort of like a visual novel but with less visuals and more linear, but I want it to have a slightly interactive feel, and second person might be a bit more immersive. But the thing is, I have another idea of how to use second person with an interesting twist that I don't want to spoil too much. To put it lightly, there are "narrators" who interact with the characters in addition to narrating them in the second person, and they are characters themselves, but I won't say what kind of characters just yet. 

I've been thinking about how to separat ethe first part of my story into episodes, and I think I've got a good outline for it now. As for actually writing it... Well, I want to make it in Twine so it has its own interface and presentation and also music (with a volume slider). I'm not sure how to do the POV, though. I've been trying first person present tense, but that doesn't seem very popular. How else am I supposed to get into my character's minds, though, and show their thoughts in the moment rather than go "'this is what this character was thinking', they thought"?

So I ended up passing that cold on to my Dad. And he's not taking it well. Not to hurt his feelings or anything, but I am younger and healthier than he is, so if it affected me badly then it's affecting him even worse. I've gotten as much from the shop for him as I can, and I also suggested he have some lemon and ginger tea with honey to see if that helps (I was drinking it quite a lot earlier this week). I really hope he's better enough to want to go out on Monday. We're having mettings with people at work training and we're meant to bring our parents, and I'd really like my Dad to meet the person my meeting is with because they have something in common and are sort of within the same age range (there is a difference of several years, though).

Am I actually getting fitter? I could do some uphill walking without much trouble, probably because it wasn't as steep as that hill I've been going up if I have time before work training, and I also wasn't wearing a backpack with a heavy pair of shoes in them. But it seems that this weight loss I'm going through might have an unwanted side effect. Which is that hair problem I mentioned the other week. Turns out your hair can get thinner and is lost more easily if you lose a lot of weight, and it takes time for your body to adjust and for your hair growth to get back to normal. Which I guess I could manage... if I didn't have a big important event to be at in about 2 months. That's not enough time! I'll just have to hope my hair looks decent enough by then. 

That cold set me back a bit. But it's basically gone now. Let's just hope I don't get another one for a long time (by which I mean several months). Colds are not fun, especially in warm weather. Anyway, today the youth club went out to another park. We saw some interesting things there. No "find the numbers and letters" game this time. Just a nice walk with some pictures.  

A problem I often have is that I'm usually too shy to do things, especially when it comes to people. I'm often too shy to approach people to talk to them, so I wait for them to come to me, and then I get upset when they don't because I'm mad at myself for being too scared to ake the first move. And I feel even worse when I try to get them to notice me, or say something that I'm sure will make them do something I want from them, because then I'm being manipulative. I don't mean to be malicious or anything, I'm just too scared to do things that most people see as the easy way but for me it's really hard. My main problem is that I don't want to be rude. I don't want to suddenly say someone's name or go "Excuse me" or something like that because I don't want to interrupt people even when they're not currently doing anything (for all I know, I could be interrupting their thoughts), and it's even worse when people are havi...

Is it time to get the sun cream out already? The sunscreen? The sun scream (which I almost typed instead of "sun cream" just now, so I felt like saying it anyway)? Apparently some people at work training who were mostly outside managed to get burned today. I don't really like to wear it. It's so sticky and makes me more likely to have acne (although I haven't had as much acne lately thanks to my diet changes), and when I put it on my neck, sometimes I can taste it. But it's either that or risk getting skin cancer. Ever since I discovered a large freckle on the side of my breast, and an even bigger one on my back, I've been worried from what I read online about the possibility of them turning into a deadly cancer that has to be caught early. It's really bad for my health anxiety. 

I heard it's Asexuality Day or something today? I didn't learn what Asexuality actually was until I was 18, and I learned it from the internet. I really think they should teach adolescent children about it in school, because if I'd known sooner, things might have turned out very differently for me. I didn't know exacty what sexual attraction was (even now, I can't get my head around it) and didn't realise that those urges people had were that strong. I thought people just chose to have sex with people because they wanted to, not because they had the urge to. And I didn't understand why people found certain body parts attractive. When I learned about Asexuality and lack of sexual attraction, everything made more sense. Now I know that my lack of interest wasn't because I'm Autistic, or naive (although I was naive, but that wasn't the reason), and I don't feel like there's something missing from me at all. I'm glad that I have one less ...

I still don't understand why I have a cold, or why it's this bad. I really hope I can feel better by Tuesday. It's a good thing I've got nothing to do tomorrow. 

Somehow, I've gotten a cold again. Even though I've been eating more healthily and exercising a lot. So why? What have I done wrong? Is it the weight loss? Does losing weight make you more susceptible to viruses or something? Is there a specific vitamin I've been missing? 

I need to start looking for something to wear for a wedding in June. I went around some shops today, but I couldn't really find anything. I might have to look for something online. But if I do that, I won't be able to find out if it's the right size for me or not until it's too late. And I need it to be something appropriate for what I expect will be a hot day. Unless it turns out to be one of the colder days. You never know with British weather.

Today we had one of our Youth Club trips. We went out to a park that I've been to a few times before, but today I basically explored all of it, because we were given these maps and we had to find numbers throughout the park and there would be a letter next to those numbers. So if there's anything I've learned, it's that I'm really not good at reading maps. I had trouble trying to tell which direction we were going in, we kept on going past where some of these letters were a few times, and in the end most people gave up because they wanted to go to the play area, so there were only a few of us who were determined to finish it, and we resorted to using a map app to figure out where we were and which direction to go (mine wouldn't work because the accuracy was low and I would have had to install some other app to bring it up, we ended up relying on someone else's phone). But we managed to find all the letters. I was so sure at the beginning that these letters w...

The people in charge of work training want to shorten our breaks to make it more like the breaks you'd get at an actual job. This is after I'd settled into a routine. And now it's all messed up. They said they'd ease us into it, but apparently their idea of doing so is only taking a few days rather than, say, 2 weeks, which is hardly good for a load of neurodivergent people, and also we're not even there for all of those few days either (especially since I eneded up taking the day off yesterday). If they wanted it to be more like an actual job, why did they have the breaks so long in the first place? They're cutting down a whole 15 minutes from them now. That's hardly enough time for me to eat my lunch, have a hot drink, look around the shop, and also go into the cafe entrance to use the wifi because the phone signal is so awful there. I'm not good at managing my time, having to compact everything into such a short space! I'm sure I'll get used t...